Who does the absent friends toast at a wedding?

The best man traditionally gives the absent friends toast at a UK wedding. It usually sits at the end of his speech, just before he hands over or proposes the final toast to the couple. The toast honours loved ones who could not be present, including those who have passed away.

This guide covers who can give the toast, where it falls in the running order, and the wording most couples use.

Who gives the toast

By convention, the best man. In practice, any speaker can give it, and many couples now reassign it to suit their family. Common alternatives:

• Father of the bride closes his welcome with it, before the meal.
• Groom or bride includes it within their own speech.
• A dedicated speaker (a sibling, close friend, or celebrant) gives a short standalone tribute.

Pick one speaker and one moment. Repeating the toast across several speeches dilutes it.

When it happens

At a traditional UK wedding the toast lands inside the best man's speech, near the end, before the final toast to the couple. If the father of the bride gives it instead, it sits at the close of his opening speech, before everyone eats.

What to say

Keep it short, around 30 to 60 seconds. A workable structure:

1. Acknowledge that some loved ones could not be here today.
2. Name one or two people if the couple has asked you to, or keep it general.
3. Invite the room to raise a glass: "Please stand and raise your glasses to absent friends."
4. Pause. Let the room respond. Then sit, or move into your closing toast.

Sample wording

Before I sit down, I want to remember those who cannot be with us today. They are very much in our thoughts, and would have loved to see [Name] and [Name] married. Please stand and raise your glasses: to absent friends.

Modern variations

• A candle on the top table lit during the ceremony or before the toast.
• A reserved seat with a single rose or a photograph.
• A line in the order of service naming loved ones who are remembered.

Whichever you choose, agree it with the couple in advance, and make sure the speaker knows the names and the pronunciation.

What to avoid

• Long eulogies. The toast is a moment, not a tribute speech.
• Surprises. Always tell the couple who you will name.
• Multiple toasts to absent friends across different speeches.
• Heavy jokes immediately before or after. Let the moment breathe.

Related speeches reading

The absent friends toast sits inside a wider running order. For a full breakdown of who speaks when, see the traditional order of speeches at a wedding. If you are writing the toast as the best man, our best man speech guide covers structure, length, and timing.